Sunday, July 16, 2006


Normally, Your Life's Not At Stake . . .

One of the great things about Miss Tori is that she sets me straight when I'm being a turd. Here's the scenario:

Once upon a time, I did some sort of online banking transfer, one of those things where it goes between savings and checking, or something similar. Then I go to the ATM to get the money out. The ATM says the funds are not available. I go inside the branch, and the Nice Lady Teller confirms that the funds are not available. They won't be posted to my checking account until midnight. So I go to plan B.

Me: That's fine. Just cancel that transfer then, and I'll pull the money out of savings.

Nice Lady Teller: Well we can't do that because the money has been transferred out of savings.

Me: Right, but since the money hasn't been put into checking, just cancel the transfer order and we'll just take it out of savings.

NLT: Well we can't do that because we have to wait for the transfer to go through.

Me: So we can't take it out of savings because it's gone from there, while at the same time, it's not in checking either? So you don't know where my money is?

NLT: It's in transfer between accounts right now. It can't be accessed until it gets to your checking account.

Me: But the money has never left your hands. You hold my savings. Your hand goes in there and pulls the money out and carries it over here, to my checking, and you put it in my checking, and in all of that process, the money never leaves your hands. I think we can certainly tell it's not getting anywhere near my hands.

NLT: It's just the way things are set up; it's not possible to just cancel the transfer.

Me: You're saying that if I said I want to cancel my account, stop doing business with you and take my money elsewhere, you can just say "No, we aren't going to let you do that?"

Me: So what you're saying is that my money is yours, and you decide when and if you'll let me have it?

Me: You're basically saying that any time I go to an ATM, I have to throw up a little prayer to Mammon in hopes that you'll be in the mood to let me have my money that day, and that there's nothing I can do about it?

Me: You're telling me that I was wrong all these years, and that the saying doesn't really go "The customer's always right," but rather, "The company's always right?" Cause that seems to be what you're saying.

Can you see where this is going? Can you feel the turdliness seeping into the situation on my part? Of course, you are all stunned that your pal Mr. Charm would do something like this. To tell you the truth, even now I feel embarrassed by this story. I hate jerky customers. I hate that in this case, I was one. Miss Tori was kind enough to remind me that Nice Lady Teller is simply a cog in the MegaBankCorp machine, and she has no power to make or break the sorts of policies that were screwing me over. Nice Lady Teller is merely doing her job in a professional manner. At least no lives were at stake . . .

. . . unlike Varifrank's story about an airline delay, here. In the future, I shall endeavor to comport myself according to his example, rather than allow myself to sink to the human-sludgelike behavior of the degenerates in this stinkhole.

Thanks to Pajamas Media for the tip.
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